I was jealous
by Beth Northman Salvatore Eng
Summary: When Katherine met Stefan he was about to get engaged. Stefan was such a good son that even when he was beginning to develop feelings about Katherine; he would do anything to make his father happy, so he betroth. But Katherine wanted Stefan and she would do anything to get him…


_**Title**__: I was jealous_

_**Synopsis**__: _When Katherine met Stefan he was about to get engaged. Stefan was such a good son that even when he was beginning to develop feelings about Katherine; he would do anything to make his father happy, so he betroth. But Katherine wanted Stefan and she would do anything to get him…

_**Disclaimer**__: The rights of Damon, Stefan, Katherine, Rosalyn characters etc. they are not mine, they belong to L. J. Smith, Julie Plec and CW._

_**Author's note:**_This fic is about a love triangle that is nearly forgotten. Stefan, Katherine and Rosalyn. Rosalyn was engaged to Stefan until Katherine kills her, she appears in the book Stefan's Diaries: Origins, this book is based on the TV series. Here I narrate from the point of view of Katherine.

_This fic got the FIRST PLACE in the thematic challenge "Three is a Crowd" from the forum "The Vampire Diaries: Dangerous Liaisons"_

_**Rated**__: M_

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><p><strong>Mystic Falls, 1864<strong>

"How much further until we reach this Lockwood plantation?" I asked my handmaiden Emily Bennet. It has been a long coach journey from Atlanta.

"Won't be long now… We've just entered the town of Mystic Falls." She replied me.

"Good." Our buggy comes to stop because it was come across some townspeople that were at work. I observe them keenly "What is it now?" I was really anxious to the travel to end. The heat, the humidity I didn't like that. It made me hungry, anxious and when I am anxious I kill people without second thoughts.

"It looks like a gentleman is having problems with his carriage." Emily answered me.

"At this rate, we won't arrive until sundown. What does it matter if...?" My eyes fell to him, even he was all sweaty, his tousled brown hair, wearing a just a brown vest, white shirt, brown working trousers, and boots, he was still so handsome that I couldn't keep quiet. "Who is that? He's so handsome. What do you say, Emily? Think that gentleman's family take in a poor orphan girl from Atlanta?" and Emily giggled at me. But his sight triggered my emotions back. It was love at first sight. I was in love even if he didn't meet me. I was in love against all my designs on true love.

We arrive to the Lockwood's Plantation, Mr. Lockwood was the mayor of Mystic Falls, Pearl had made arrangements with him to take me in as an orphan girl from Atlanta that had lost her parents during the fires, and had no one left to take her in. At my arrival I was welcome by Mrs. Lockwood. She told me I was going to staying there for 2 days and then another gentleman had offered to shelter me.

"Go find, the name of that gentleman in the road." I commanded Emily.

After a few hours she returned with the information. She knew I didn't wanted only the name, so she had made some more inquires.

"What do you found out?" I asked anxiously.

"His name is Stefan Salvatore, younger son of Giuseppe Salvatore" she began to say I stared at her to keep talking "He is 17 years old, and he's single."

"That's all you could found?" I urged her to continue.

"His elder brother is in the war, fighting for the confederate army. And…" one of the servants knocked the door. Dinner was ready, I must come downstairs to keep the appearances.

"We talk later." I told Emily. "After dinner, I need you here to help me undress"

The dinner was so boring until, Mayor Lockwood told me that the Family that had offered to shelter me were the Salvatore's Family. That was a nice surprise. I wouldn't have to compel anybody to get to stay with them. As soon as we finished diner, I excused myself, telling them that I needed to get some sleep after the trip. I went to the forest and had two squirrels for dinner. I was sick of that diet. But at the war was reaching the town, there will be plenty of food soon. Even though from time to time I staged an animal attack, but in a new town I had to be careful.

Those two days were the longest of my almost 400 years of existence. And when we were getting ready to move to Veritas Estate (Salvatore's Mansion, and lands).

"Miss Katherine, can I give you an advice?" Emily whispered to me. While she was tightening my corset.

"Yes, you can, you are not a slave, and more than a handmaiden you are a friend to me" I replied her, with a smile.

"Miss Katherine, don't get too obsessed with Mr. Stefan Salvatore." She stated.

"And why is that for?" I inquire, playfully with a smirk.

"He is soon to be betroth with a town girl" she answer, her eyes told me that she was afraid of my reaction.

"Don't worry Emily I won't, I will behave myself" I told her with a reassuring smile. The hell, I was going to listen her! I was already in love and obsessed with him. I wanted him.

We get in the carriage. And ride to the Salvatore's Mansion. As soon as we arrived there. The coachman jumped out of the driver's seat and opened the cab. He helped Emily to get down first. I was watching Stefan from inside he was so handsome, he looked like he run to be at the door when the coach arrived. He was wearing a khaki long coat suit with suede applications, white shirt, bow tie, and dress shoes, so overdress for someone in his home. I figured he just arrived from visiting to his soon to be fiancé. I was jealous. If I wanted him, I couldn't rest on my laurels, I had to act fast, and if possible keep him from betrothed.

He was staring at me. I could feel his sea green peepers, like he was trying to penetrate me under my skin. I smiled at him. Even since then I wanted to run into his arms and kiss him. I touched my lapislazuli cameo necklace, he reached his neck like mirroring what I was doing. I wanted to feel how it feel to be touched by him. I wanted to feel his fingers in my bare skin.

While Emily began fussing with my skirts. I called him. "Hello!"

"Hello, you must be Miss Pierce," he almost whisper.

"Please call me Katherine, and you are?" I asked, my voice playful, I will need all of my seduction techniques with him. I wanted him for myself.

"Katherine," He repeated slowly, as he was trying to hold my name in his memory. I almost bite my lip, I liked the way this was going.

"Yes," I said. "And you are…?" I keep asking with a smirk.

"Stefan!" He said quickly. "Stefan Salvatore. Giuseppe's son. I am so sorry for your family's tragedy."

"Thank you," I said. "And I thank you and your father for hosting me and my maid, Emily. I don't know what we would have done without you."

"Yes, of course." He replied more confident. "You'll be in the carriage house. Would you like me to show you?"

"We shall find it ourselves. Thank you, Stefan Salvatore," I said following the coachman, who carried a large trunk toward the small guest house, where I should live, which was set back a bit from the main estate. Then I turned around and stared at him. "Or should I call you Savior Stefan?" I asked him with a wink before turning on my heel.

I went to my chambers. I rest for the rest of the day. As soon as the sun went down I went to the nearby hospital and found a seriously injured man to feed from him. I instructed Emily to decline in my name if they invited me to have supper with them, telling them that I needed be calm because memories of the fires haunted me. I needed human blood. I spent that day and the next, away feeding. I wanted to be desired. I knew that he liked me, so it would be easier to win his love if he missed me for a while. In the morning I was coming back to Veritas State, I saw him walking in the woods.

I waited for him, leaning against one of the angel statues that flanked the drive, he was just wearing a beige shirt, burgundy jacket, black trousers, and riding boots, his brown hair was falling carelessly on his forehead. He looked so handsome.

I smiled at him. "I had hoped for a tour of the grounds, but it seems you are otherwise engaged."

His heart pounded like he was nervous. "I'm not … no. I mean," He stammered, "I could stay."

"Nonsense." I shook my head. "I already am taking lodging from you and your father. I will not take your time as well." I could heard his heart beating fast. "May I at least walk with you for a bit?" I asked, swinging my sun umbrella back and forth.

Companionably, we walked down the road. He kept glancing to his left and right, as he was nervous to walk, unaccompanied, with a woman.

A light wind blew around us, and I inhaled his markedly oriental, spicy, sensual deep and comforting aroma. His scent was almost disturbing, unexpected, wicked cinnamon didn't leave alone the comforting vanilla, sultry amber trapped by a lunge cloves. Simply being near him and I feel like I was flying. Like it was a reminder love did exist in the world, and I would have it.

"I think I shall call you Silent Stefan," I said as we walked through the cluster of oaks that marked the line between the village of Mystic Falls and the outlying plantations and estates.

"I'm sorry …," He started, I would give a penny to know what he was thinking. "It's simply that we don't get very many strangers in Mystic Falls. It's difficult to speak to someone who doesn't know my whole history. I suppose I don't want to bore you. After Atlanta, I'm sure you find Mystic Falls a bit quiet." And just after he finished his sentence I could say he regretted saying it. He cleared his throat. "I mean, not that you had found Atlanta exciting, or that you wouldn't enjoy getting away exciting, or that you wouldn't enjoy getting away from everything." I made him nervous, so what he was waiting for? Or did he really love his soon to be fiancé?

I smiled. "Thank you, Stefan. That's sweet." My tone made it clear I didn't want to delve into the topic any further.

We walked in silence for a few long moments. He was walking slowly. Then, I brushed my fingers against his arm. And told him. "Just so you know, I don't find anything about you boring." And I vamp away from there, just as I regretted saying that. It was because he get me nervous too.

When he arrived home, a little bit later, he found me on the porch swing, chatting with my maid, a sweating glass of lemonade beside me.

"I think I make him nervous" I told, Emily

"Oh, Miss Katherine, just be careful, don't blow your cover, if you doesn't want to compel him, to forget and love you" Emily replied to me.

"No, Emily, I will not compel him, it has to be real" I clarified her.

At that moment, I glanced up and shielded my eyes. "Back so soon?" I called, he nodded dumbly as I slid off the porch swing and glided into the carriage house. The next afternoon I waited in vain for him to come visit me. I was so sad. I sent Emily to find out where he was? I didn't like the answer. He was visiting over the Cartwright's, to his soon to be betrothed. No, no, and no, he couldn't keep going with this insanity. I was nearly sure he didn't love her.

I needed to take action, I needed to make him jealous. I needed to make him notice what he was missing. I needed to stop that stupid marriage. I scratched my head, what should I do?

I heard a new male voice, asking Stefan if he wanted to play.

"What is that?" Stefan asked.

"A football. Me and the boys play when we've got time away from the field. It'll be good for you. Get some color in your cheeks. We don't want you getting soft," the other male voice replied him. "Catch!" the voice yelled.

"Can I play?" I asked approaching them.

Stefan... He looked so handsome. Wearing just an unbuttoned to the middle chest beige shirt, gray brown trousers. The other guy, who must be the older brother, was almost as handsome as Stefan. Mmm. I smiled at them. Stefan looked away avoiding to stare at me.

"Katherine, this is my brother, Damon. Damon, this is Katherine Pierce. She is staying with us," He said stiffly, glancing back and forth between us, my eyes danced, I had found his formality incredibly amusing.

"Damon, I can tell you're just as sweet as your brother," I said.

"We'll see about that." Damon smiled. "So, brother, shall we let Katherine play?"

"I don't know," he said, suddenly hesitant. "What are the rules?"

"Who needs rules? So do you mind if I join you?" I said playfully smiling at them.

Stefan turned the ball in his hand. "Uh, well, you could, uh… you could get hurt. My brother likes to play rough," he warned me.

"Somehow I think you play rougher." In one swoop, I grabbed the ball from his grasp. "Loser has to groom my horses!" I called as I run away from them provoking them to chase me. Oh I loved this game. It remind me my days as a human playing with Elijah.

I heard Damon telling him "Why are you just standing there? That is a girl who clearly wants to be chased. If you don't do it, I will." Damon began to run first.

That was it, Stefan followed him, after a second. "I'll get you!" He yelled. He was chasing me. But at the evening he had still went to pay a visit to Rosalyn, his soon to be fiancé. I was so jealous. I attacked her dog, yes! I fed from Penny the tiny little rat she called dog.

And in the morning, Cartwright's servant came to tell him that the stupid little "rat" had been attacked and that he should go and perform his beau duty comforting Rosalyn about the loss. And he was over there all the morning. I couldn't spent time with him. I began throwing my personal things around the room; my brush, my comb, a powder box, flew all over the room.

"Why, why, they care about that stupid girl losing her stupid dog?" I yelled

"Calm down, Miss Katherine" Emily said trying to make me come back to my senses.

"Is supposed that I lost my parents, he should be here comforting me, making me forgot about it" I told her. Reminding my cover.

"I know, Miss Katherine, but he is courting her, so his duty is to be with her" Emily replied.

"But I'm much more beautiful, more cultured, than she. Why is he always going to visit her? Why he always prefers her?" I moaned, like a little girl, who wasn't getting the toy she wants.

"It's just that his sense of responsibility will always come first, he is always going to obey his father's wishes above all things." Emily told me, making me notice that he was a good boy, the responsible brother. Duty was over all things to him.

He used to visit me in the mornings, and we play, and laugh. But still every evening he went to visit the dull Rosalyn. I hated her so much. I was chatting with Emily about how should proceed to stop him from getting engaged. When someone knocked on my door.

"Good evening Miss Katherine" Damon greeted me when Emily opened the door. "Do I disturb you?"

"No, is ok I was just thinking to go to the library and gather a book to read before the sun is down" I replied. "But please come in"

"With pleasure" he said.

"Would you like something to drink? Coffee, tea or lemonade perhaps?" I asked him.

"Lemonade will be fine" he answered.

I nodded, and told Emily "Bring two glasses, please. And to which I owe the pleasure of your visit Damon?" I asked

"As you know Miss Katherine, my little brother's engagement party will be held soon."

"Yes, I am aware of that, I had received an invitation." I answer him trying to hide my discomfort.

"I was just wondering, if you had somebody to escort you?" He asked me being polite.

"No, I don't" I replied with a flirtatious smile.

"It would be my pleasure to escort you to the party" he said gently.

"The pleasure would be mine, having such a sweet and handsome escort" I replied, almost giggling.

And the days followed as usual. In the mornings the three of us played and chatted. In the evenings I read sat in the porch swing, chatted with Damon, or played croquet with Giuseppe. While Stefan visited the stupid Rosalyn. I was jealous.

The weather didn't break by the engagement dinner a few days later, and even at five o'clock in the afternoon the air was hot and humid. People from all over the county coming to the Grange Hall to celebrate the Confederacy. The coaches backed up beyond the stone drive and showed no sign of slowing their onslaught toward the imposing stone structure.

I was deliberately late, as I didn't want to go. It was because actually I didn't want to go, I didn't bear the thought of watching Stefan asking Rosalyn to marry him in front of me. I made Damon, waited me for 15 minutes and then compelled him to wait about half an hour, sitting on the porch. Finally I decided to go. When we arrived at the dinner, the doors opened with a clatter, and Damon and I walked in. Together. Stefan stared at me. I could tell he was nearly pissed. After all, what he expected that I came to the dinner by myself? Damon was just being gallant. Still, he couldn't tear his eyes away from Damon's arm around my waist. I could tell he was jealous. There was a hushed murmur as Damon and I made our way to the two empty seats at the center of the table. I winked at Stefan before taking the empty seat next to him. My hip brushed against his, and he shifted uncomfortably.

"Damon." Their father nodded tersely as Damon sat down to his left.

"So do you think the army will be all the way down to Georgia by winter?" Stefan asked Jonah Palmer loudly, avoiding talking to me.

"I'm not worried about Georgia. What I am worried about is getting the militia together to solve the problems here in Mystic Falls. These attacks will not be stood for," Jonah, the town veterinarian who had also been training the Mystic Falls militia, said loudly, pounding his fist on the table so hard, the elegant china rattled.

Just then, an army of servants entered the hall, holding plates of wild pheasant. Stefan took his silver fork and pushed the gamey meat around his plate; I could tell something was bothering him. He seemed really annoyed. Around me, I could hear the usual discussions: about the war, about what we could do for our boys in gray, about upcoming dinners and barbecues and church socials.

I had been chatting spiritedly, with the ladies in our table. I was nodding intently at Honoria Fells across the table. Stefan stared at Honoria, with a hateful look?

"Ready, son?" His father elbowed him in the ribs, people were already finished with their meals. More wine was being poured, and the band, who'd paused during the main course, was playing in the corner. This was the moment everyone had been waiting for: They knew an announcement was about to be made, and they knew that following that announcement there would be celebrating and dancing. It was always the way dinners happened in Mystic Falls. As if on cue, Honoria leaned toward him, and Damon smiled encouragingly.

He took a deep breath and clinked his knife against his crystal glass. Immediately, there was a hush throughout the hall, and even the servants stopped midstep to stare at him.

He stood up, took a long swig of red wine to clear his throat.

"I … um," He began in a low, strained voice. Why he was doing this he didn't love Rosalyn or he did? "I have an announcement." I saw his father clutching his champagne flute, ready to jump in with a toast. He glanced at me. I was looking at him, trying to hold myself of vamping out my anger, my jealousy, my eyes darkening and piercing his eyes. He tore his gaze away and gripped his glass so tightly, I was sure it could break. "Rosalyn, I'd like to ask your hand in marriage. Will you do me the honor?" he said in a rush, fumbling in his suit pocket for the ring.

He pulled out the box and knelt down in front of Rosalyn, staring up at her watery brown eyes. She was so ridiculous. "For you," He said without inflection, flipping open the lid and holding it out toward her.

Rosalyn shrieked, and gave a little jump and then and the room burst into a smattering of applause. Damon clap his back grinning down on him. I clapped politely, holding my anger. I was pissed. I was jealous. She was so stupidly annoying. But the damn bitch has got him…

"Here." He took Rosalyn's hand and pushed the ring on her finger. It was too large, and the emerald rolled lopsidedly toward her pinkie. She looked like a stupid child playing dress-up with her mother's jewelry. But the bitch didn't seem to care that the ring didn't fit. Instead, she held out her hand, watching as the diamonds captured the light of the table's candles. Immediately, a crush of women surrounded them, cooing over the ring. That ring should be mine...

"This does call for a celebration!" his father called out. "Cigars for everyone. Come here, Stefan, son! You've made me one proud father."

He nodded and shakily stepped over to his father.

"Katherine, will you dance with me?" Damon asked me.

I glanced up, casting a furtive look in Stefan's direction. My eyes held his for a long moment. But then his father nudged him from behind, and before he could react, Damon grabbed me by the hand and led me out to the dance floor. And we danced. As I tried to have fun. But my insides felt like burning, because the anger I felt. It couldn't be happening. Now he was engaged. And I just wanted to drink a bottle of bourbon. And be drunk as a skunk, to wash up my sorrows and my anger. And just relax.

The next week was the longest week ever. He almost wasn´t home. Always running to her house, visiting her, having fun with her, that stupid little bitch. And when he was, his room shutters were left closed, like he was trying to avoid me, and if I did see him, he gave me a forced smile or just a hand wave. And I was left at Damon´s mercy. He was gentle but somewhat annoying. But he did good job comforting me, he was fun. Damon and I explored the gardens, we walked and we talked. And I just missed you Stefan, and I can swear that Damon was aware of that. And I hated seeing him run Mezzanotte to the forest when Damon and I explored the garden, I hated watching he was going to visit her

Mr. Giuseppe was kind of cheerful. And had wasted no time in planning another party to celebrate. I couldn't stand that, I was so jealous. I just couldn't control myself any more.

I was jealous.

I hunted her. I watch every move, every step she took, just to find the tiny little frame of time, that only moment, when she was alone. I invited her for a walk, just the two of us.

"Hello, Miss Cartwright" I said, trying to show a ridiculous smile.

"Hello, you must be Miss Katherine, what was your last name?" she replied me with that stupid smile in her mouth and wrinkling her nose as she was despising me.

"Pierce, Katherine Pierce, Please walk with me?" I answered her, trying to give her a smile. And we walk all the way over to the pond, at Veritas Estate. And there I show her my true self, I vamped out. And hell! I make her scream.

"What are you?!" She yelled at me. She was so afraid. She was scared of me.

"Oh, Rosalyn, darling, I'm a vampire, sweetheart…" I replied with a smile. "…and soon you will be dead" I told her. "You can scream, but you cannot run." I said compelling her not run. I could see the panic in her eyes. And I liked to see the panic in her eyes. I liked to see how afraid of dying she was, so afraid of me, so afraid of me having her life on my hands.

"Why?" she cried.

"Because you got the attention of someone I want" I replied her.

"What?" She was crying, her tears running all over her face. She was so desperate. She was so afraid of me having the power to decide if she lives or dies.

"Mmm, let's see." I replied with an evil smirk "you got Stefan and I love him, but you got him, and I want him and you having him is something I can't stand, not anymore" I told her. And then I yelled at her. "I am jealous!"

"But… but he deserves to be happy" She cried to me.

"Yes, sweetheart, that's my whole point, you know he wouldn't be happy if you are alive, dear" I told her.

"Please, please I won't tell anybody about you, please let me go" she begged me.

"Hell, no," I giggled. "I cannot, you must die." I replied her with a bright smile. And I murdered her. I had fun when she was suffering! And I torn out her throat, basically with only my hand. I slaughter her. Mmm, ok I admit it, I maybe take a bite or two and take a sip of her blood. But the point is I hated her, because she had Stefan's attention. The point is that she was dead now. And I left her with the eyes half open, staring up at the tree branches as if they held the secret to a universe she no longer inhabited. Yes! I left her at the base of the willow tree, near the pond. Waiting to the moon to be reflected off the water, casting an eerie, greenish glow on the rocks and willow trees surrounding the pond. The grass was wet with dew, and still trampled from the time when Damon, Stefan, and I had played football there. I left her laying down as is her was being cuddling with her lover. His misery, my misery, had reached an end. I had killed her. She was dead and I was happy about it.

That afternoon, it was a barbecue at the estate, and Mr. Giuseppe Salvatore had invited everyone within a twenty-mile radius. I recognized only a handful of the young men, pretty girls, and Confederate soldiers who milled around the labyrinth, acting as if they owned the estate. But Stefan looked upset, like he just wished it were over.

I could hear Robert calling Stefan from the makeshift bar set up on the portico. To judge from his lopsided grin, he was already drunk, just as I wanted to be.

"Stefan, care to share a whiskey with me?" Robert called Stefan passing him a sweating tumbler and tipped his own to it. "Pretty soon, there will be young Salvatores all over the place. Can you picture it?" He swept his hands expansively over the grounds as if to show him just how much room his imaginary family would have in which to grow. Stefan swirled his whiskey looking miserably. He looked so upset, almost like all of this was painful to him. But he wasn't the only one being miserably. I was too and I didn't like it. But we won't be miserably soon. I could not bear to hear people telling him that, he would soon have family with the stupid dead girl.

"Well, you've made your daddy one happy man. And Rosalyn one lucky girl," Robert said. He lifted his glass to him one last time, then went to chat with the Lockwoods' overseer. Yes, she was so lucky that I hated her.

Stefan sighed and sat down on the porch swing, observing the merriment occurring all around him. On the lawn, people were eating and laughing and dancing, and a makeshift band of guys that seemed Stefan's age, playing a version of "The Bonnie Blue Flag."

The sky was cloudless and the weather balmy, with just a slight nip in the air to remind us that it was, indeed, fall. In the distance, schoolchildren were swinging and shrieking on the gate. To be around so much merriment made Stefan's heart thud heavily in his chest. He stood up and walked away, inside the main estate. I followed him inside. I saw him going in the library. He shut the door to the library and breathed a sigh like if going away from the party was a relief. Only the faintest stream of sunlight peeked through the heavy damask curtains. The room was cool and smelled of well-oiled leather and musty books. I opened the door. I watched him turning the pages in a slim volume of Shakespeare's sonnets. He was reading something, it turned to be my favorite poem. It seemed like Shakespeare calmed him, just like it does to me, the words soothed my brain and reminding me that there was love and beauty in the world and sometimes it gave me hope, while I was running away. He was sitting in his father's leather club chair in the corner and absentmindedly skimmed the onionskin pages. He looked so calm.

"What are you reading?" I asked my voice startled him, and the book slid off his lap with a clatter. I had been standing by the study entrance, for a while looking at him. He just stared at me.

"Why aren't you at the party?" He asked, bending to pick up his book. Out of propriety, he glanced at me.

I stepped toward him. "Why aren't YOU at the party? Aren't you the guest of honor?" I perched on the arm of his chair.

"Have you read Shakespeare?" He asked, gesturing to the open book on his lap. Did I like Shakespeare? I loved Shakespeare, I even had met him. But it was a lame attempt to change the conversation.

"Shakespeare," I repeated, my accent expanding the word to three syllables. And my English accent slipped out. I swung my legs back and forth, I wasn't wearing stockings. He tore his eyes away.

"_Shall I compare thee to a summer's day_?" I quoted.

He looked up at me, astonished. "_Thou art more lovely__ and more temperate_," He said, continuing the quote.

His heart galloped in his chest. Mine was beating more than fast, it looked like it was going to find its way out from my chest. Being near him was almost disturbing. Sometimes I thought that at any moment I couldn't control myself around him.

I yanked the book off his lap, closing it with a resounding clap. "No," I said firmly.

"But that's how the next line goes," He said, little bit of annoyed. I was changing the rules of a game he thought he understood. But how many times I had to say it? There was no rules.

"That's how the next line goes for Mr. Shakespeare. But I was simply asking you a question. Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Are you worthy of that comparison, Mr. Salvatore? Or do you need a book to decide?" I asked, grinning as I held the volume just out of his reach.

He cleared his throat, thinking of what he was going to say. Then he talk, "Well, you could compare my brother to a summer's day. You've been spending a lot of time with him." His face reddened, he sounded so jealous and petty. I just smile at him.

"Maybe a summer's day with a few thunderstorms in the distance," I said, arching my eyebrow. "But you, Scholarly Stefan, you are different from Dark Damon. Or …" I looked away, a flicker of a grin crossing my face. "Dashing Damon."

"I can be dashing, too," He said petulantly. He shook his head, he was frustrated.

"Well, then, I must see that, Stefan," I said. I placed my hand on his forearm. "I've gotten to know Damon, but I barely know you. It's quite a shame, don't you think?" And I want you, not Damon, I could have added.

In the distance, the band struck up "I'm a Good Old Rebel." We knew we needed to get back outside. But instead he remained on the leather club seat, I was wishing we could stay in the library, breathing in Stefan's scent, forever.

"May I make an observation?" I asked, leaning toward him. He was so nervous, he was almost sweaty. And without waiting for his answer, I stated. "I don't think you like what's happening right now. The barbecue, the engagement …"

His heart pounded. He searched into my eyes, an answer I couldn't give. Even if for the past week, I'd been seen him pausing outside the carriage house. He was still desperate trying to hide his feelings.

I smiled ruefully. "Poor, sweet, steadfast Stefan. Haven't you learned yet that rules are made to be broken? You can't make anyone happy; your father, Rosalyn, the Cartwrights, if you're not happy yourself."

He cleared his throat. I slid off the chair and glanced at the volumes on his father's shelves. I took down a thick, leather-bound book, The Mysteries of Mystic Falls. I smiled at him and beckoned him to join me on his father's couch. He hesitated for a second or two, but then as if in a trance, he stood and crossed the room. He sank into the cool, cracked leather cushion next to me and just let go.

I'm not sure how long we stayed in the room together. The minutes ticked away on the grandfather clock in the corner, but all I was aware of was the rhythmic sound of Stefan's breath, the way the light caught his angular jaw, the quick flick of the page as we looked through the book. The light in his deep sea green peepers. I was dimly conscious of the fact that he needed to leave, soon, because the party was for him and that stupid little dead brat. Incredible, even knowing she was dead, I was still jealous of her.

"You're not reading!" I teased at one point, glancing up from The Mysteries of Mystic Falls.

"No, I'm not." He answered me not bothering to hide he was just staring at me.

"Why? Are you distracted?" I rose, reached up to place the book back on the shelf.

"Here," He murmured, reaching behind me to take the book and place it on the high shelf where it belonged. The smell of cinnamon and vanilla surrounded me, making me feel wobbly and dizzy.

I turned toward him. Our lips were mere inches apart, and suddenly the scent of him became nearly unbearable. He looked he was hesitating about kissing me. He closed his eyes and leaned in until his lips grazed mines.

For a moment, it felt as though my entire life had clicked into place. He saw me running barefoot in the fields behind the guest house, he chasing after me, our young son slung over his shoulder. A small tear slid down my cheek, I couldn't have his children. But suddenly I let him to sneak a peak in my memories about Penny. I don't know why my subconscious betrayed me like that. Remembering its throat torn out, floated through my mind to his. He pulled back instantly, as if struck by lightning.

"I'm sorry!" He said, leaning back and tripping against a small end table, stacked high with his father's volumes. They fell to the floor, the sound muffled by the Oriental rugs. I even could say he tasted Rosalyn's blood in my mouth.

"I have to … I have to go. I have to go find my fiancée." But without a backward glance at me, without bothering to notice my really happy face, he fled the study and ran through the empty conservatory and toward the garden.

He just let me there, and the only thought, that calm me down was knowing that she was already dead. Not the shivering I felt. Not that every single atom of my body was telling me that, that kiss was real. No, the only thing that made me stay there was knowing she was dead. But even she was dead I was still jealous of her. Yes! That's why I had killed her, because I was jealous.

What else can I say? I WAS JEALOUS.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors note<strong>: The songs I mentioned were popular during the Civil War. You can listen them in YouTube. Links following.

watch?v=UVeSKwM-1M

watch?v=omqqGViq3Ng


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